Some of the Best Court Reporter Humor
There are plenty of funny (okay, at least humorous) jokes at court reporters’ expense. Have you heard the one about the two people standing in the unemployment line?
“I got so bored at my old job, I just started typing “yada yada yada. That’s how I got fired from my court reporting job.” But these kinds of jokes rarely top the things court reporters hear on the job.
Ask any court reporter who’s spent some time transcribing depositions or witness testimony if he or she has ever heard someone say something strange, unexpected or inappropriate, and most will be able to rattle of a list of examples.
They said what?!
The California Court Reporters Association has compiled several of the strangest and funniest things court reporters have had to record with a straight face. Here are some of the best:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Then there’s the case of mistaken identity …
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
I don’t think that’s what he meant …
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Just to clarify …
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Male or female?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
What town did you grow up in?
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Quite a wake-up call …
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Many will be shocked to see so many instances of the attorney asking the ridiculous questions, and often the respondent providing the snarky response. Remember, these are professionals who know what they plan to ask ahead of time and know it’s all being committed to an official record of some kind!
In these situations, court reporters need to be at their most professional — and somehow keep from laughing out loud in the courtroom.
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